Struggle for Happiness..
Hi People,
How are you?
Sometimes in life,
there comes a time when we realize that we have hit a rock bottom and just want
to give up. We feel as if everything we do is wrong. We start over thinking
about everything and start to lose our confidence and get scared of everything.
And this is time when we need to gather our strength and give our 100% to bring
a change in our self because these feelings are brought by our own self.
I also went
through the same phase. Even now I feel the same whenever I am in a lot of
stress. But I am better able to handle it. And all of this has been possible
because I brought about a change in myself.
Let me start this
with a little background of why I felt this way. I will not go into detail
because it will become too long. I will just give you a small detail.
I have always been
a little reserved person and always felt alienated from people my own age. I
never had friends growing up. And then when I was in 5th standard, I
lost my grandfather, who I was very close to. This was the start of my decline.
At that age I was able to handle everything and not get drowned in my misery
and I did not have to think a lot about the outside world. I had structure in
life – go to school, study, come back, rest, go to tuitions, come back and study,
have dinner and then sleep.
But then I entered
my college and I was made aware of the outside world. Still I had problem with
forming friendship. I was awkward around people and people started seeing me as
a person with attitude and ego problem. But still I managed to make 3 good
friends.
And then came my 3rd
year. 2013-14 were 2 worst year of my life. I had campus interviews. There was
a lot of competition and a lot of stress and I reacted very badly to it. I had fights
with all my friends. Even now I am not on talking terms with 2 of my friends
and I have never tried to contact them as I am a little ashamed of how I
reacted at that time. As a result of my attitude, I was not selected in any of
the company and was left with no job at the end of my college.
After college, I
had this very irritated personality who argued with everyone. And the person
who I talked the worst was with my mother. I really hurt her during that phase.
I started picking fights for apparently no reason with almost everyone.
But during all
this time I had an angel with me who always motivated me and the person who
believed in me even when I was at my lowest. And that person was my father. He
is such an amazing guy. I used to pick fights with him. I never listened to him
and rebelled. But he was still there to pick me up. And it was his talks, his motivation
that I realized that I am rolling down a mountain towards a deep river and I
need to stop.
I remember that
day very clearly. I was coming back home after giving an interview and I was
crying because I was sure that I will not be selected. I had stopped my car at
the side of the road and was crying, when suddenly I started laughing so hard
and I was not able to control myself. Somehow, I managed to control myself and I
came back home and told my dad that I have not been selected and he just said,”
No Problem kiddo! There are better companies out there.”
And I don’t really
know what happen the next day. But the next day, I was able to get up from bed
and I was happy and I was feeling very positive. I appeared for an interview about two weeks
after this incident and believe it or not I was selected for it. This gave me
confidence to go out there and face the world.
I gave my 100%
then and I am giving my 100% now. This is a continuous battle that I have to
fight and I will fight this battle till the end because I want to win and there
is no one out there who can stop me. I am working hard every day and every
minute so that I can be victorious. Some days are harder than others. But still
at the end of day, I try to sleep with a smile on my face because I trained
myself to actually think at least one happy thought a day before sleeping and
it works a wonder. The happy thought could be anything like just yesterday I was
thinking that I went to a salon and got a head massage and how it felt. Or sometimes
it is even a puzzle I was able to solve that day. Even a hint of smile at night
can make you dream happy dreams and you will surely wake up with a smile on
your face and ready to face the world.
So, this is me
signing off.
Bis Bald
Auf Wiedersehen
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